Dane Barbados Jr. on: "The dumbest damn smart kid I know"
Dane Barbados Jr. recently attened one of your "Bar-B-Que's" thrown by a european compatriot of mine.
Whilst there Your Humble was introduced to a young gentleman whom we'll call Egbert. This young man was apparently the marketing head of the dealership that Dane Barbados Jr. had visited and had decided to invest a sum of money into.
This young man boasted and impressive education and was a child of wealth.
He also showed a disturbingly homosexual devotion to one of your "rappers" by the name of Jay-Z, randomly and without provocation loudly reciting verses from said musician.
Egbert was also quite possibly functionally retarded.
Allow Dane Barbados Jr. to share a story:
The european host whom we tend to call "Yogo" offered Egbert a fine bottled Guiness which Egbert accepted with a quizzical look.
We returned a few minutes later after capturing a gaggle of young ladies with our foreign charm to find Egbert still holding the unopened beverage.
"What's wrong Egbert?" Yugo enquired. To which Egbert replied, "I keep trying but I can't get the cap off of this beer."
At this point it was quite clear to your humble narrator that Yugo was quite forcibly supressing a laugh at young Egbert's expense. I was also quite likely to Yugo that Dane Barbados Jr. was quite forcibly surpressing a devestating flurry of blows about Egbert's face and belly.
With a visible effort Yugo regained his composure and handed Egbert one of those lovely utilitarian devices which serve as a bottle opener and corkscrew. We then left to return to our erst-while harem of buxom and zaftig beauties.
After a back room bit of cocksmanship I left two exhausted Ethiopian beauties spent and used in my wake and returned to the party.
I met up with Yugo and we shared a celebritory embrace of sweet green Nature and spotted young Egbert...still clutching the Guiness...
...focusing all his attention on slowly attempting to wind the corkscrew into the top of the beer cap.
Many of you are frankly not that bright, and those of you who are possessed of a modicum of intelligence may be scratching your heads in consternation and disbelief. Allow Dane Barbados Jr. to restate:
Instead of performing a process that any enterprising 10-year-old could perform, this 23 year old, college educated man, who consumes alcohol on a regular basis, could somehow not discern the basic function of a simple tool, a bottle opener, with no moving parts and was instead trying to uncap a beer with a corkscrew.
You read correctly.
It leads one to wonder how Egbert managed to escape the womb without strangling himself, in some complicated manner, with his own umbilical cord. Dane Barbados Jr. is truly amazed.
You may be thinking to yourself that this is an isolated instance of enfuriating idiocy.
That is, sadly, not the case.
Whilst there Your Humble was introduced to a young gentleman whom we'll call Egbert. This young man was apparently the marketing head of the dealership that Dane Barbados Jr. had visited and had decided to invest a sum of money into.
This young man boasted and impressive education and was a child of wealth.
He also showed a disturbingly homosexual devotion to one of your "rappers" by the name of Jay-Z, randomly and without provocation loudly reciting verses from said musician.
Egbert was also quite possibly functionally retarded.
Allow Dane Barbados Jr. to share a story:
The european host whom we tend to call "Yogo" offered Egbert a fine bottled Guiness which Egbert accepted with a quizzical look.
We returned a few minutes later after capturing a gaggle of young ladies with our foreign charm to find Egbert still holding the unopened beverage.
"What's wrong Egbert?" Yugo enquired. To which Egbert replied, "I keep trying but I can't get the cap off of this beer."
At this point it was quite clear to your humble narrator that Yugo was quite forcibly supressing a laugh at young Egbert's expense. I was also quite likely to Yugo that Dane Barbados Jr. was quite forcibly surpressing a devestating flurry of blows about Egbert's face and belly.
With a visible effort Yugo regained his composure and handed Egbert one of those lovely utilitarian devices which serve as a bottle opener and corkscrew. We then left to return to our erst-while harem of buxom and zaftig beauties.
After a back room bit of cocksmanship I left two exhausted Ethiopian beauties spent and used in my wake and returned to the party.
I met up with Yugo and we shared a celebritory embrace of sweet green Nature and spotted young Egbert...still clutching the Guiness...
...focusing all his attention on slowly attempting to wind the corkscrew into the top of the beer cap.
Many of you are frankly not that bright, and those of you who are possessed of a modicum of intelligence may be scratching your heads in consternation and disbelief. Allow Dane Barbados Jr. to restate:
Instead of performing a process that any enterprising 10-year-old could perform, this 23 year old, college educated man, who consumes alcohol on a regular basis, could somehow not discern the basic function of a simple tool, a bottle opener, with no moving parts and was instead trying to uncap a beer with a corkscrew.
You read correctly.
It leads one to wonder how Egbert managed to escape the womb without strangling himself, in some complicated manner, with his own umbilical cord. Dane Barbados Jr. is truly amazed.
You may be thinking to yourself that this is an isolated instance of enfuriating idiocy.
That is, sadly, not the case.
posted by Dane Barbados Jr. at 8:47 PM
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