Dane Barbados Jr. on: Myspace

So, it may surprise you to know, Dane Barbados Jr. has a myspace page.

And he was immediately infuriated and deleted it.

Why you may ask? Dane Barbados Jr. declares it alright since stupid people often ask many questions.

Dane Barbados Jr. deleted it primarily because of being inundated with "friend requests" from what he likes to call "myspace whores."

Those women (and a few men) whom tart themselves up and send mass bombings of such requests to any and everyone in hopes of being added to their lists of friends whom aren't really friends merely ethereal, electronic, substitues for what they lack in the living world.

In naught but a single day Dane Barbados Jr. found his myspace box and, indeed, his e-mail box filled with requests from tarty women whom he did not know and cared not for.

Which leads one to ask: is having an exhorbitantly large "friends list" so important as to pester legions of people one does not know? Are there some monetary benefits to having such a large list?

It is Dane Barbados Jr.'s position that, in many cases, it leads from that unfortunate affliction that plagues scores of American women...the undying and unquenchable thirst for attention, attention and more attention.

Enough attention for a 90 lb. internet vixen-cum-slore to tell herself that she's only "a little fat."

Enough attention for a breast implanted, internet, bottle-blonde to forget the times that Uncle Joe touched her no-no zone after midnight.

Also because...well Dane Barbados Jr. is convinced that many of these myspace whores are, in fact, actual prostitutes.

And the saddest thing?

It works.

Here Dane Barbados Jr. will give you but a sampling of comments from the pages of unabashed and unashamed myspace whores:

-hey do i know u and if u do u look real good
(Dane Barbados Jr. declares this gentleman a champion of the species and considers it a shame that he will likely never get close enough to a non-digital female long enough to perform the reproductive act)

- Thanks for the compliments I like your pics too, Your a keeper
(note the moronic misspelling of "you're" and the fact that this idiot clearly doesn't realize that the initial request was filled with generic compliments and sentiments)

- what up ma.....thanxs for the request sexy, holla at me,
(Yes as if this "sexy ma" would ever holla at this troglodyte)

-Hey there *****, Since I've added you I haven't heard from you I hope all is well come by and let me know that it is some time. Take Care
(this truly pathetic specimen actually knows the truth, he's just too sad to admit it to himself knowing that his entire digitized world will collapse)

- hey wasup you going to talk to me
(no...no she isn't. How stupid of you for asking)

- Thanks for the add, stay sexy and tasty luv. Hit me up cause I really like your style.
(Dane Barbados Jr. truly hopes that this internet lothario decided to hold his breath while waiting for his "luv" to "hit him up")

If it wasn't for the fact that Dane Barbados Jr. already knew that the vast majority of humanity on the internet is stupid and beyond hope the vast expance of myspace whoritude would truly make him weep.

If Dane Barbados Jr. was capable of weeping that is.

Dane Barbados Jr. says: If you must be on myspace...don't be a whore.

Oh and afterthought, if you are one of those prepubescent myspace mini-whores who overload their pages with seizure inducing videos, flash animation, sparkles, mouseovers, trails and embedded music Dane Barbados Jr. will personally hunt you down and deliver an earth shattering kick to the ovaries so that you may never produce any more of your kind.

That is all.