Dane Barbados Jr. remembers: University pt.3
I will tell the people. I will tell them of the horrible dream that I, Dane Barbados Jr., have just had. The traitor that is the undermind decided to inflict injury most foul upon me whilst I slept amongst a pile of former virgins. My distasteful undermind decided to revisit the Naked Theatre Goth Party.
Whilst at University I, Dane Barbados Jr., frequented the dramatic stage plays sponsor'd by the administration. After a while I became a bit of a fixture and was duly welcomed into the pale flabby arms of the University theatre drama department. Oh the horrors that awaited me.
After the conclusion of each show the dregs of the University campus, the theatre department, would throw what they identified as "cast parties." Now you must realize that a good 90% of the cast and crew of said department could only be identified as "Goths."
Let it be known that Dane Barbados Jr. is a friend to a fine gothic female. However as any thinking man knows, 98.8% of gothic females are woefully, bowel churningly, hideous and vastly overweight. The males are even worse.
It was a sanity straining struggle just to be in attendance. Imagine my sheer horror when it was arbitrarily decided that the party would enter the phase known as "naked time." My God. My God the horror. I will spare you detailed description. Not because I care about you enough to spare you, merely because some things are best forgotten.
Shortly after the onset of "naked time" I exited the townhouse in a vodka and absinthe fueled frenzy of fisticuffs and flying elbows. I do know that during my daring escape I inflicted many an injury on many an assemblage of pasty white, corpulent flesh.
That remains the one time that Dane Barbados Jr. has felt fear in his entire life. From that point onwards I took great satisfaction at firing carefully constructed shells of finely ground pepper into the faces of the theatre-goth-loser crowd.
Pity them not, they deserve no better for offending the eyes of Dane Barbados Jr. Plus they were fat, lonely, goths. No one cares about them or loves them anyway. Fuck them.
Whilst at University I, Dane Barbados Jr., frequented the dramatic stage plays sponsor'd by the administration. After a while I became a bit of a fixture and was duly welcomed into the pale flabby arms of the University theatre drama department. Oh the horrors that awaited me.
After the conclusion of each show the dregs of the University campus, the theatre department, would throw what they identified as "cast parties." Now you must realize that a good 90% of the cast and crew of said department could only be identified as "Goths."
Let it be known that Dane Barbados Jr. is a friend to a fine gothic female. However as any thinking man knows, 98.8% of gothic females are woefully, bowel churningly, hideous and vastly overweight. The males are even worse.
It was a sanity straining struggle just to be in attendance. Imagine my sheer horror when it was arbitrarily decided that the party would enter the phase known as "naked time." My God. My God the horror. I will spare you detailed description. Not because I care about you enough to spare you, merely because some things are best forgotten.
Shortly after the onset of "naked time" I exited the townhouse in a vodka and absinthe fueled frenzy of fisticuffs and flying elbows. I do know that during my daring escape I inflicted many an injury on many an assemblage of pasty white, corpulent flesh.
That remains the one time that Dane Barbados Jr. has felt fear in his entire life. From that point onwards I took great satisfaction at firing carefully constructed shells of finely ground pepper into the faces of the theatre-goth-loser crowd.
Pity them not, they deserve no better for offending the eyes of Dane Barbados Jr. Plus they were fat, lonely, goths. No one cares about them or loves them anyway. Fuck them.
posted by Dane Barbados Jr. at 5:50 PM
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