Dane Barbados on: Scarlett Johansen
I see the people and spit upon thier tastes. Paris Hilton? Feh. Mariah Carey? Feh. I'll save my golden opinion on Britiney Spears and Lindsay Lohan for another day.
But I, Dane Barbados Jr., is forced to ask: are the people more stupid than I had previously thought? Surely they should be wasting their sorry opinions and spilling their rotten seed on their keyboards over Scarlett Johansen. This woman is actually near my standards. Dane Barbados Jr. would not expect you to understand how very rare that is, he actually has trouble believing that she was produced i
n America. Perhaps she is but a constuct.
She posesses the simple, sublime, facial features of Athena. Eyes that would turn lesser men than I into simpering puddles of warm sweat. Lips the likes of which are too good for a caucasion. And breasts that were made for me to rest my ashtray upon whilst I read my morning paper...in otherwords perfect.
Unfortunately she is too short for my liking and bears the curse of being a pedestrian blonde. I would gleefully allow Scarlett Johansen to share the gilded bedchamber of Dane Barbados Jr. and in deference to her features I would give her a full thirty seconds to gather her belongings and vacate my sight before I issued a swift kick to her powdered behind thusly thrusting her from my abode.
That is more than any of you deserve.
But I, Dane Barbados Jr., is forced to ask: are the people more stupid than I had previously thought? Surely they should be wasting their sorry opinions and spilling their rotten seed on their keyboards over Scarlett Johansen. This woman is actually near my standards. Dane Barbados Jr. would not expect you to understand how very rare that is, he actually has trouble believing that she was produced i
n America. Perhaps she is but a constuct.She posesses the simple, sublime, facial features of Athena. Eyes that would turn lesser men than I into simpering puddles of warm sweat. Lips the likes of which are too good for a caucasion. And breasts that were made for me to rest my ashtray upon whilst I read my morning paper...in otherwords perfect.
Unfortunately she is too short for my liking and bears the curse of being a pedestrian blonde. I would gleefully allow Scarlett Johansen to share the gilded bedchamber of Dane Barbados Jr. and in deference to her features I would give her a full thirty seconds to gather her belongings and vacate my sight before I issued a swift kick to her powdered behind thusly thrusting her from my abode.
That is more than any of you deserve.
posted by Dane Barbados Jr. at 11:36 PM
6 Comments:
Bully Jack? You are surely a homosexual and not worth my attention as of yet. Euro-trash? Feh.
Europeans could only hope to aspire to my heights. I will continue to allow to view my mighty testicles from the darkness of my shadow.
Dane Babados Jr. laughs at the notion of "insecurity" from someone calling themselves "falsepersona."
People like you are naught but fodder for my titan-like roars of laughter.
Feh. I spit upon you, fetch me more hits to feed my "arrogance."
"False Persona chortles at the reference to your bong named "arrogance." He delights in the knowledge that such fools dream dreams of superiority from the safety of their bedrooms."
Bongs are for naught but fools, we prefer the term "water pipe." Take notes.
"
Now I will pretend to be you:
"
Pretending is surely as close as you can ever hope to come. Blame your God.
"This display of macho superiority you have as yours is an easy target for satire."
If it is, as you claim, so easy to target why, pray tell, is your "satire" so piss poor?
In your attempt to rise to the lofty heights of Dane Barbados Jr. you failed to realize that whilst my dialect may be more than a little verbose it is not as flowery and filled with purple prose as you would like to believe.
Feh. You seemed doomed to live in the wide expanse of my shadow. Such is life.
" P.S. If you're going to pretend to be perfect, you ought to spell check your posts."
Poor little man. Where have I, Dane Barbados Jr., pretended to be perfect? Perfection lies naught with the likes of me and surely not with the likes of you.
Perfection is a quality almost exclusively reached by the fairer sex.
Dane Barbados Jr. has never claimed not pretended to be perfect. No.
I'm just better than you.
Please feel free to comment on any and all diction errors that you may discover from the safety within my shadow sycophant.
Your english is not the native language of Dane Barbados Jr. but I am always in search of new staff spellchecker.
Carry on.
"No matter what I write, you defend yourself. So much for your alleged not caring what people think of your musings. The mixture of defense and insults you use is fascinating!"
I can see that you are baffled by my behaviour. I do this for the same reason that I do everything: because it amuses me. Dane Barbados Jr. loves a good joke and you are near the top of the list.
"So what is your other language? And, hey, keep trying on guessing my gender."
Dane Barbados Jr. is a man of many languages. The schooling in my native land is uniformly top-notch.
And I have no cares as to your gender, I shall continue to use the masculine.
"Lastly, challenging you is a fun exercise, but I don't want to be you."
Then you surely are not a man.
"I await your next insults and puffed up manliness."
The manliness of Dane Barbados Jr. is only "puffed up" in the presence of zaftig goddesses.
You do not qualify.
" Oh, and do you work in a video store or something?"
Dane Barbados Jr. is above such a petty profession, though I am interested in being an instructor in one of your places of education. They could surely use the help.
I am but an enthusiast of the arts and journey into the arena of film every chance I can get.
"To me, a real man does not have to brag or exaggerate his conquests in order to feel important or "better than everyone". So, in this, you cannot judge who is or is not a man."
And yet you cannot prove that I have exaggerated anything or that I am not important now can you?
Please, take your own advice, as you are not equipped to judge as well.
You see the title of the "blog," you know what you will find within, only a fool would expect otherwise.
"But we agree on something. You are at the top of my list of good jokes, too."
Perhaps that would hold weight if I had not said the same to you first.
Although the material of Dane Barbados Jr. is top-notch you would do well to formulate your own yes?
"But it sounds like these fantasies you have of "zaftig goddesses" do the puffing. Bravo."
You are unhealthily obsessed with the excesses of my life.
Whist you may have naught but fantasies I have the real thing. A wondrous red-headed goddess is, in fact, sitting to my left smoking a Yugoslavian cigarette in her glorious nudity.
Such is the wonder of the life of Dane Barbados Jr. As hard as it apparently is for you to believe, some people are magnificently gifted in life. Shame your curious jealosly will likely keep you from such heights.
"And what, then, is your native language?"
To tell you that would be to tell you my country of origin. That, is something that will not happen.
I will only say that Dane Barbados Sr. and Aleksandria Barbados sired your obsession in a small nation on the eastern hemisphere.
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