Dane Barbados Reviews: War of the Worlds
I will tell the people a story. The story of the greatest joke ever played in the history of mandkind. This joke was played by a great man named Orson Welles. In the 1930's this great man, on his radio show, convinced the country that we were being invaded by aliens. The joke was called War of the Worlds.
I, Dane Barbados Jr., would love nothing more than to castrate any and everyone responsible for the recycled whore mung that is the remake that was recently released.
In my time in America I have noticed that the people here love destruction and doom in their entertainment. Dane Barbados Jr. also loves these things, there is no fault there. If you also enjoy fine destruction by all means see this film. However to escape the mind-numbingly, bowel-liquefyingly bad ending I will tell you to leave before the last 15 minutes.
In the original tale the invading aliens were killed by the common cold. This made a degree of sense says I.
In the feckless remake they were killed by bacteria in water. Dane Barbados Jr. will berate you and he will laugh at you but he will not lie to you...bacteria in water.
This chunk of garbage bludgeons us over the head with the fact that these creatures have been observing and laying in wait beneath the ground for millions of years. How stupid must these creatures be to be here for millions of years...in a planet over 70% water...and not figure out their doom? As stupid as your president I say.
This is why the makers of this filth should be urinated upon by diseased Ukranian whores. Mind you that they don't actually even tell you how the invaders were defeated. No, they merely close up on a drop of water and the creatures therein which I estimate to be the same size as the brain of the director. If you are not as smart as I, Dane Barbados Jr. (you're not), you may never figure it out at all. Enjoy youselves figuring out the significance of the blood-plants.
I say, do something else instead of paying for this garbage. If you cannot frolic in the castles of royalty and eat caviar from the vulva of princesses like I can you may find banging your head against a wall to be more enjoyable than the end of this movie. And yes...the boy is dead...there is no way he could not be.
Watch Independance Day instead.
Remember kids, Dane Barbados Jr. says: Fuck this movie.
p.s. Before the people ask, yes I spoiled the entire film. You may sing my praises at your convenience.
I, Dane Barbados Jr., would love nothing more than to castrate any and everyone responsible for the recycled whore mung that is the remake that was recently released.
In my time in America I have noticed that the people here love destruction and doom in their entertainment. Dane Barbados Jr. also loves these things, there is no fault there. If you also enjoy fine destruction by all means see this film. However to escape the mind-numbingly, bowel-liquefyingly bad ending I will tell you to leave before the last 15 minutes.
In the original tale the invading aliens were killed by the common cold. This made a degree of sense says I.
In the feckless remake they were killed by bacteria in water. Dane Barbados Jr. will berate you and he will laugh at you but he will not lie to you...bacteria in water.
This chunk of garbage bludgeons us over the head with the fact that these creatures have been observing and laying in wait beneath the ground for millions of years. How stupid must these creatures be to be here for millions of years...in a planet over 70% water...and not figure out their doom? As stupid as your president I say.
This is why the makers of this filth should be urinated upon by diseased Ukranian whores. Mind you that they don't actually even tell you how the invaders were defeated. No, they merely close up on a drop of water and the creatures therein which I estimate to be the same size as the brain of the director. If you are not as smart as I, Dane Barbados Jr. (you're not), you may never figure it out at all. Enjoy youselves figuring out the significance of the blood-plants.
I say, do something else instead of paying for this garbage. If you cannot frolic in the castles of royalty and eat caviar from the vulva of princesses like I can you may find banging your head against a wall to be more enjoyable than the end of this movie. And yes...the boy is dead...there is no way he could not be.
Watch Independance Day instead.
Remember kids, Dane Barbados Jr. says: Fuck this movie.
p.s. Before the people ask, yes I spoiled the entire film. You may sing my praises at your convenience.
posted by Dane Barbados Jr. at 10:59 PM
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