Dane Barbados Jr. on: Hillary Duff

Ah Hillary Duff. So sweet and innocent, so above reproach.

I, Dane Barbados Jr., used to hold Ms.Duff as being beyond the vengeful scope of my wrath. Although I didn't hold her to be particularly talented in any major way I gave her credit for being so bland and sacchrine, content to inhabit her rectagular, block-of-wood body, and be an upbeat, positive role-model for young girls everywhere.

Alas, those days were naught to last apparently as Ms.Duff seems to be another fine inductee to the halls of the cocaine and semen clientelle of the fabled Hollywood Diet.

The Horror:
You're still young Ms.Duff and are still and idol to millions of your vapid, young, American girls who are chomping at the varitble bit to attatch themselves like cultural leeches to anything or anyone that can provide them with an identity, since they are too lazy to formulate one for themselves.

It's not too late Ms.Duff. It's not to late to put down that vial of cocaine, to spit out your manager's greasy, diminuative phallus, to pick up a sandwich or delicious slice of poundcake.

Nor is it too late to redeem yourself and avoid a vicious sized 14 kick of indignation to the box.

Only you can make that change. Do what's right.

Remember kids, Dane Barbados Jr. says: No to cocaine. Yes to poundcake.