Dane Barbados Jr. Takes a Detour

So, as he may or may not have mentioned, Dane Barbados Jr. was going to post reviews for "The Descent" and "Pluse." I had every intention of posting the aforementioned reviews as each film was memorable in its own way.

And then Your Humble, Dane Barbados Jr., Champion among Men, Master of the Kidney Punch, Heir to the House and Crown Barbados and Likely Defiler of Your Daughter was shocked into a picture of what could only be described as the Bride of Skeletor. A creature of prehistoric age, who last feasted upon a Brontosaurus Burger and has since slowly succumbed to the wastes of hunger. A hunger so fierce that I, Dane Barbados Jr., could only surmise that has forced the body to feed upon itself, sustained naught but by the short-lived explosion of vitality provided the likes of which naught but fine Peruvian Flake (cocaine or llello for the cretins...and yes...that's how "yayo" is spelled).

In his supreme and devine generosity Dane Barbados Jr. will share this picture with you. He does not do this because he loves you, quite the opposite really as Dane Barbados Jr. generally hates you all. No, he does this as a warning. A warning to all you silly American tarts whom starve and purge yourselves to bring your appearance closer to that of the "Celebrities" that you worship. Those great, slothful, nincompoops and slurm-slinging spum buckets who achieved that skeletal figure through a steady diet of semen, cocaine, heroin and a horrendous fear of literature and education.

My little creatins take delight in one of your pithy, American, celebrities. I, Dane Barbados Jr., proudly present to you Nicole Ritchie, The Bride of Skeletor:


Seeing that Dane Barbados Jr. has only to say: young women...pick up a book, pick up a sandwich...enjoy both....but by all means don't stop swallowing, it's rude to spit and Dane Barbados Jr. will not tolerate less. That is all.