Dane Barbados Jr. Salutes: Monica Bellucci.

It is time for Dane Barbados Jr. to once again point you weary, slavish, sloth-like computeristas at true beauty and grace and away from your paper-thin, plastic-stuffed, bottle-blonde, manufactured slatterns who reek of cum-swappery and towards, as they are referred to in my country, "the goods." (roughly translated.)

Gentle, childlike readers, I present you Monica Bellucci:

Here is something she recently said, which is sadly all too true:

"I could never live there. They are obsessed with youth and beauty even more than us. There is this thing in America where actresses reach 40 and go mad, she says.

The film industry wants all these young people. They also like a different sort of woman (to me). I will never be skinny. I also had a child a year ago, and I have been lazy. I love to eat. Who cares? I am natural."

Here is a 40 year old woman, a mother, who flaunts her eating and loves her voluptuous, masterfully ziftig, curvy figure and do you know what?

She is better for it.

She is what these scarecrow, haggard, harpies whom feverishly die their hair blonde and try to stay in the limelight as long as possible WISH they looked like. (We're looking at you Madonna.)

And, truly, the fact that, by Dane Barbados Jr.'s estimation (which is absolute), she has a pair of the most exquisite breasts to have ever graced this blue Earth.

And natural.

Rise sycophants! Stand tall and renouce your goulish, death-mask, idolotry. Don't eat the rancid, wharf smelling food the media forces upon you.

Instead do as Dane Barbados Jr. tells you to. Worship this goddes.

Dane Barbados Jr. will ridicule you, and he will laugh at you, but Dane Barbados Jr. will not lie to you.

Ms. Bellucci, Dane Barbados Jr. approves.