Dane Barbados Jr. on: Burger King

Today let us examine Burger King's new creation: The Meat'normous omelette sandwich.

One subroll...

Two omelette eggs...

Two slices of ham...

Two sausage patties...

Two slices of American cheese...

Six half-slices of bacon...

A combined ten pieces of breakfast pork.

Sounds scrumption yes? Delicious? You can't wait to feel the sweet, moist meat slide down your throat and feel the warm grease drip down your hand yes? Dane Barbados Jr. bets you do.

Here's what Burger King had to say in a press release:

"three full slices of crispy bacon, two slices of smokey ham and a sizzling sausage patty between two omelet eggs, two slices of American cheese and a toasted specialty bun,"

"It's like an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet on a bun,"

They're even so proud of it as to put it on the front page of the BK website.

You can't wait can you? I really want it don't you?

If you do...well you're just a massive fatassed son of a sow whom is surely destined at a heart attack before you see the end of your third decade on this planet Earth.

You will die and Dane Barbados Jr....well he will laugh.

Dane Barbados Jr. loves America. It is not the best place on Earth, of course, but it has quite a lot going for it and can be a delightful place to spend some time.

That being said one must question a country that saturates the airwaves with a breakfast sandwich that can mummify you from the insides.

Although the sheer unhealthiness of the sandwich is enough to drive your humble narrator into a fit of rage but the fact that this abomination is for BREAKFAST...the first meal of the day...well surely you can see the problem.

...and one wonders why America is one of, if not THE, most obese country in the world.

Have fun with this:

-740 calories

-400 fat calories

-46.5 grams of saturated fat

-330 grams cholesterol

-1950 grams of sodium

...it's like garauntee'd coronary in one delicious sandwich.

1/2 the average daily caloric intake of a midsized, active male.

1/2 the fat.

2x the cholesterol.

3x the daily amount of sodium.

It's like mumification from the inside...mmm...mmm...good.

Not to mention that "Meat'normous" really and truly sound's like the name of an overweight, hirsuite male pornstar in his 40's. Not something any respecting heterosexual male would want to put into his mouth you see.

But go ahead plump American, you order that Meat'normous...in fact Dane Barbados Jr. suggests ordering two, and don't forget to wash it down with Burger King's new "BK Joe Turbo" brand of hyper-caffenated coffe.

And when you die, just remember that Dane Barbados Jr. will be there to laugh as he unloads a steaming bladderful of justice on your tombstone.

He will even leave a sausage pattie on your grave in memorandum.

For this...you may thank him.