Dane Barbados Jr. Remembers: University pt.8
Day the next dawned in the eyes of Dane Barbados Jr. I went about the morn like I did nearly every other morning...with copious amounts of nature's embrace, a round of two of your delightful American "videogames" and an epic battle or two at the superlative game of spades.
The roommate and I, with Tomas having awoken from his drunken slumber, knew that it was naught but a matter of time before Scorch walked into our room seeking asylum. We also knew that he would recieve naught but jeers and hazing for having stuck his surely diminuative manhammer into a veritable beartrap. We were not to be dissappointed.
Some smoke hazed, vodka dazzled, hours later there was a knock at my chamber door. It 'twas Scorch and oh did he ever walk into a solid wall of our pointing fingers and ear shattering gales of laughter. It was bliss.
To his credit he took it like a true champion, bearing our verbal abuse with little more than a smirk as he took a titanic hit from our instument of smoking and parked upon the loveseat.
He patiently waited for our derisive catcalls to die down before dropping the proverbial sword of Damocles and said:
"Yeah, well...SHE BLEW MY WHY TOM SLEPT ON MY FLOOR!"
We were aghast...well Tomas was. The roommate and I were too busy trying to breathe around laughing.
If that were the end of this tale it would prove a completely underwhilming ending to such a long and rambling tale to be sure. Thankfully there is more.
The centrepiece of the room of Dane Barbados Jr. was easily the card table. It was a geometric cube constructed of styrofoam that the roommate created for a sculpure class. It was topped with a sheet of every day cardboard and epitomized the cigarette, weed, liquor and cards, seedy atmosphere we strove to attain.
Upon this cardboard we wrote all number of memorable and hilarious out of context quotes. Perhaps one day Dane Barbados Jr. will see fit to share them with you. Needless to say "she blew me while Tom slept on my floor" made the cut.
As we knew that the slovenly gutter-snipe would make her way into the room eventually we transcribed the quote, circled it, drew arrows and surrounded it with a ring a detritus, making sure it could be seen.
Then we partook of nature's embrace yet again.
Some hours later there was a knock upon the door and in entered the trollop with her usual brain dead entrance line: "anybody want to smoke some weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed?"
"Sure, sure" we all said, snickering amongst ourselves.
Amid bonghit the moment arose...it was sheer grandiosity. To this day Dane Barbados Jr. has NEVER seen a human being's eyes as wide as hers. It was truly astonishing.
She placed the instument upon the floor and strode out of the room where Scorch, Tomas, the roomate and Dane Barbados Jr. immediately burst into appendix-liquifing laughter.
Some forty minutes of smoke later the golden bladder of Dane Barbados Jr. needed to be relieved, I opened the door...
...and tripped over the slumped form of the strumpet in my doorway. She had been sitting there crying for forty minutes. I laughted at her and went amongst my business. When I retured she was no longer where she was and I entered the haven...to hear the sobs of the trollop from inside my closet.
We ignored her as she sat there for a few hours and went about our business as people came and went around us.
Eventually she left...and returned, multiple times a day, every day seeing the report of that night's festivities on the table. Returned to the room where she was openly despised. Returned to the room where she was mercilessly mocked. And she was not disappointed.
That day will never leave the memory of Dane Barbados Jr. I'm sure that many of you will think me heartless and cruel. That many of you will think me not human.
Well you're right. I am heartless and cruel and I'm not human. I'm better than human.
But believe me, if you had to endure the slorish mechinations of the strumpet for the amount of time that I had to you would have basked in her downfall and destruction as much, if not more, than Dane Barbados Jr. did.
This is the truth.
That is all.
The roommate and I, with Tomas having awoken from his drunken slumber, knew that it was naught but a matter of time before Scorch walked into our room seeking asylum. We also knew that he would recieve naught but jeers and hazing for having stuck his surely diminuative manhammer into a veritable beartrap. We were not to be dissappointed.
Some smoke hazed, vodka dazzled, hours later there was a knock at my chamber door. It 'twas Scorch and oh did he ever walk into a solid wall of our pointing fingers and ear shattering gales of laughter. It was bliss.
To his credit he took it like a true champion, bearing our verbal abuse with little more than a smirk as he took a titanic hit from our instument of smoking and parked upon the loveseat.
He patiently waited for our derisive catcalls to die down before dropping the proverbial sword of Damocles and said:
"Yeah, well...SHE BLEW MY WHY TOM SLEPT ON MY FLOOR!"
We were aghast...well Tomas was. The roommate and I were too busy trying to breathe around laughing.
If that were the end of this tale it would prove a completely underwhilming ending to such a long and rambling tale to be sure. Thankfully there is more.
The centrepiece of the room of Dane Barbados Jr. was easily the card table. It was a geometric cube constructed of styrofoam that the roommate created for a sculpure class. It was topped with a sheet of every day cardboard and epitomized the cigarette, weed, liquor and cards, seedy atmosphere we strove to attain.
Upon this cardboard we wrote all number of memorable and hilarious out of context quotes. Perhaps one day Dane Barbados Jr. will see fit to share them with you. Needless to say "she blew me while Tom slept on my floor" made the cut.
As we knew that the slovenly gutter-snipe would make her way into the room eventually we transcribed the quote, circled it, drew arrows and surrounded it with a ring a detritus, making sure it could be seen.
Then we partook of nature's embrace yet again.
Some hours later there was a knock upon the door and in entered the trollop with her usual brain dead entrance line: "anybody want to smoke some weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed?"
"Sure, sure" we all said, snickering amongst ourselves.
Amid bonghit the moment arose...it was sheer grandiosity. To this day Dane Barbados Jr. has NEVER seen a human being's eyes as wide as hers. It was truly astonishing.
She placed the instument upon the floor and strode out of the room where Scorch, Tomas, the roomate and Dane Barbados Jr. immediately burst into appendix-liquifing laughter.
Some forty minutes of smoke later the golden bladder of Dane Barbados Jr. needed to be relieved, I opened the door...
...and tripped over the slumped form of the strumpet in my doorway. She had been sitting there crying for forty minutes. I laughted at her and went amongst my business. When I retured she was no longer where she was and I entered the haven...to hear the sobs of the trollop from inside my closet.
We ignored her as she sat there for a few hours and went about our business as people came and went around us.
Eventually she left...and returned, multiple times a day, every day seeing the report of that night's festivities on the table. Returned to the room where she was openly despised. Returned to the room where she was mercilessly mocked. And she was not disappointed.
That day will never leave the memory of Dane Barbados Jr. I'm sure that many of you will think me heartless and cruel. That many of you will think me not human.
Well you're right. I am heartless and cruel and I'm not human. I'm better than human.
But believe me, if you had to endure the slorish mechinations of the strumpet for the amount of time that I had to you would have basked in her downfall and destruction as much, if not more, than Dane Barbados Jr. did.
This is the truth.
That is all.
posted by Dane Barbados Jr. at 6:46 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home