Dane Barbados Jr. Presents: the "Who Are You" Internet Personality Test

Following these instructions there will be a set of "yes" or "no" questions. For every "yes" you have add five points. For every "no" you have add two points. Your total number of points will determine who you most resemble.

Get ready.

Go!

-Have you ever gone to a brothel?

-In Amsterdam?

-And spent hours browsing the human finery?

-Then selected a fine, zaftig, specimen of femininity and taken her?

-Using her nubile, young, body to extract pleasures of the flesh illegal in many countries?

-Filling her orifices, to her delight, with thick pools of justice?

-And fallen asleep using her feather soft breasts as pillows?

-Only to awake to her and her twin sister cavorting over your rigid manhammer?

-And speaking unmentionable words in the dulcet tones that only a whore can deliver?

-And rending their swollen flesh?

-Relishing their breathy, screams of delight?

-And relieving yourself afterwords and falling victim to the dreaded split fork of urine?

-Exiting the water closet and finding said high-priced whores rifling through your wastecoat looking for your currency?

-And placing your sized 14's of justice betwixt their asscracks?

-Watching them fall in supplication in your shadow?

-And begging forgiveness?

-And spitting upon them before you throw stacks of twenties in their faces at escape velocity?

-Then strolling away with a Camel Light betwixt you lips?

-And a vodka martini and your hand?

-And a smile upon your lips?

-And saying to yourself "night well spent?'

-No?






...Because you're not Dane Barbados Jr.

You're the type of person who is confused enough to use the internet to discover a sense of self and identity.