Dane Barbados Reviews: The Devil's Rejects

My oh my oh my. I, Dane Barbados Jr., must educate the people about the glorious film that I have just viddied by the name of "The Devil's Rejects."

Now I will warn the people. You may see negative reviews of this film on the interweb. I will proudly proclaim that those people are clearly either A: inbred, mongolod, morons or B: women.

Many would not expect a feat of proper filmmaking from Rob Zombie, many would say he cannot do it right and call him a hack. I say thee nay.

Can a hack create family of insane, sadistic, remorseless serial killers and make them not only likeable but relatable as a family?

Can a hack direct cinematography that harkens back to the old days of Sergio Leone westerns and vintage slasher flick such as the incomparable "Texas Chainsaw Massacre?"

Would a hack be visonary enough to cast pop culture icons Priscilla Barnes (Terri from Three's Company), Ken Foree (tough security guard from original Dawn of the Dead), Legendary 'roid-raging wrestler Diamond Dallas Page, Danny Trejo (Heat, Anchorman, Con Air, Desperado) AND legendary odd guy Michael Berryman (The Hills Have Eyes)?

Would a hack possess testicles of solid brass allowing him to not shy away from gore like so many of these estrogen enhanced Horror directors these days.

And lastly would a hack be original enough to not pilfer yet another middle-of-the-road Japanese horror movie (The Ring, Dark Water, The Grudge)?

If you answer "yes" to any of these questions I will mark you a complete idiot worthy of naught but my terrible vengance, divine wrath, and urine stream of hate.

Remember kids, if Dane Barbados Jr. says it...it must be true.