Dane Barbados on: TomKat

Ah yes. The people ask me. They ask me "Dane, Dane, what do you think about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes?"

I answer them, I say "Feh. You do not address me by my first name sycophant! Return to my shadow!"

But I will tell you. I will tell you how Dane Barbados Jr. feels about this "TomKat."

Katie Holmes looks like a young cow. A young cow who's jaw has taken repeated blows with a large shovel. Yes she does have exquisite breasts but what does Dane Barbados Jr. care about a cow with breasts?

Tom Cruise is under the height of 5' 8". He is not a man at that height. He is clearly a homosexual.

In short, Dane Barbados Jr. cares no for these people. They are insignificant and below him. People who worship the aliens of Battlefield Earth are not worth the attention of Dane Barbados Jr. He saw that movie. It sucked.

Americans and thier odd little celebrities. Feh.

Dane's words to live by part one

Remember kids, Dane Barbados says:

It's good to have friends. When the shit goes down you will always have a co-defendant and someone to exchange for a plea-bargain.

Then you can sodomize their girlfriend with glee!

The more you know!

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Remember kids, Dane Barbados says:

"When you walk into a room where people are laughing you should swiftly realize that they are, indeed, laughing at you and that you'd be perfectly justified in gunning them down with that gun you're hiding!

The more you know!

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Remember kids, Dane Barbados Jr says:

When soliciting a prostitute pay attention to her footware. Those with open toed shoes are heroin addicts and will shank you for a fix!

The more you know!

You will know Dane Barbados Jr.

The people ask me. They ask "Who is Dane Barbados Jr.?"

Those people...those people must be idiots. If you don't know who Dane Barbados Jr. is then you are clearly below him and not worthy of his attention.

Dane Barbados Jr. drinks with Queens and sleeps with Princesses. He wants not for scullery maids.

Who is Dane Barbados Jr.? Dane is the keeper of the loins of a God, rending the vulva of virgins in twain and leaving them adoring masses in his wake.

Dane is the bearer of intelligence the likes of which will leave you quivering and drooling, mindless, in a corner sucking your thumb.

Dane is the keeper of fists, Excalibur and Caliburn, that has left heaps of broken boyfriends and fathers in his shadow.

Dane is the future. Dane is forever. Dane is better than you.

In short, I am Dane Barbados Jr.