Dane Barbados Jr. on: Chloe Sevigny
So Dane Barbados Jr. was trolling the 'net today when he came upon an interesting little report. It seems that Ms. Chloe Sevigny threw a mighty Fit of the Bitch your horrid, estrogen-enriched, harridan-hovering, penis-shriveling, homosexual-cultivating, man-hating, television show "The View."
What sparked this gruesome, yet hilarious, outburst you may ask? Well allow Dane Barbados Jr. to enlighten you: Some years ago there was a disturbingly tepid, tiresome and boring little film made by a disturbingly tepid, tiresome and boring little man named Vincent Gallow.
This film was called "The Brown Bunny." The climactic scene of this delightfully wasteful and bowel-churning film was when Ms. Sevigny administered oral sex to Mr.Gallow.
Just in case you need clarification she gave him a blowjob. On camera.
Dane Barbados Jr. really wants you to understand this: a real-deal, true to life, in living colour, slobbery-slob blowjob. Not simulated. No artful cuts. No computer generated imagery.
Her mouth. His penis. Sucking. On film. Like a pornography movie. He even visibly orgasms.
In her mouth. On film. For real. Like a pornography movie.
This hilarious incedent leads Dane Barbados Jr. to ask: "What the fuck is wrong with this insane, slorry, trollop?" This is exactly the type of female that Dane Barbados Jr. would like nothing more than to extinguish lit Cuban cigar butts directly on her stretched anus before delivering a swift kick to her loose and windy cotterbox.
And you may think that the reason why Ms. Sevigny has raised such ire with Dane Barbados Jr. is because she is a woman. That is because you are a raging idiot.
You may think it is because she decided to throw a royal fit over willfully submitting herself to becoming a dimestore porn actress as opposed to an actress. You are only partly correct.
The real reason is that this movie came out at least a year and a half ago. She's submitted to several interviews about the movie and the scene (as it was the only notable thing in the movie). She knows that the ENTIRE marketing drive of the film centered around the scene.
Posters.
Soundtrack covers.
Gigantic billboards depicting a black-barred version of the scene, overlooking traffic.
There are, perhaps, those of you who are too stupid, or too new to my story to now that though Dane Barbados Jr. may berate you, though he will laugh at you, he will never lie to you.
Behold:
Poster.
Soundtrack cover.
Billboard.
Now you see.
And, frankly, I'm saddened the slightest bit. I first saw Ms.Sevigny in "Kids" and thought she had talent. Then I saw her in "American Psycho" and thought she could be a star. Then I saw her in "The Brown Bunny" and realized that she had effectively ended any chances of serious success. Wasted on a movie that didn't do well and wouldn't possibly gain acceptance.
Dane Barbados Jr. must ask Ms. Sevigny: You sucked the dirty dick of a dirty man in a dirty movie. You sat back and saw the signs, the billboards, the posters, the covers. You interviewed. You talked about it. You made the decision to catch a mouthful of stinking, sticky, thick, probably diseased spum from a man who was seemingly interested in degrading a woman on widescreens across the country...and now you want to complain?
Dane Barbados Jr. has little other to say than "Fuck you you silly little strumpet, you bring all women down and perpetuate the stereotype of emotionally unstable, dick-sucking whores."
But that's simply too wordy so Dane Barbados Jr. would do with simply:
"Dane Barbados Jr. declares: Fuck You."
...oh and because there's a few of you that'd want to see it here's a screencapture. You can find the video readily on your Peer-to-Peer networks under "Brown Bunny" or "Chloe Sevigny"
http://www.beerandshots.com/celebrities/chloe-sevigny/chloe-sevigny-blowjob.php
http://www.fleshbot.com/sex/brownbunny.jpg
http://img94.exs.cx/img94/4074/1369ee.jpg
What sparked this gruesome, yet hilarious, outburst you may ask? Well allow Dane Barbados Jr. to enlighten you: Some years ago there was a disturbingly tepid, tiresome and boring little film made by a disturbingly tepid, tiresome and boring little man named Vincent Gallow.
This film was called "The Brown Bunny." The climactic scene of this delightfully wasteful and bowel-churning film was when Ms. Sevigny administered oral sex to Mr.Gallow.
Just in case you need clarification she gave him a blowjob. On camera.
Dane Barbados Jr. really wants you to understand this: a real-deal, true to life, in living colour, slobbery-slob blowjob. Not simulated. No artful cuts. No computer generated imagery.
Her mouth. His penis. Sucking. On film. Like a pornography movie. He even visibly orgasms.
In her mouth. On film. For real. Like a pornography movie.
This hilarious incedent leads Dane Barbados Jr. to ask: "What the fuck is wrong with this insane, slorry, trollop?" This is exactly the type of female that Dane Barbados Jr. would like nothing more than to extinguish lit Cuban cigar butts directly on her stretched anus before delivering a swift kick to her loose and windy cotterbox.
And you may think that the reason why Ms. Sevigny has raised such ire with Dane Barbados Jr. is because she is a woman. That is because you are a raging idiot.
You may think it is because she decided to throw a royal fit over willfully submitting herself to becoming a dimestore porn actress as opposed to an actress. You are only partly correct.
The real reason is that this movie came out at least a year and a half ago. She's submitted to several interviews about the movie and the scene (as it was the only notable thing in the movie). She knows that the ENTIRE marketing drive of the film centered around the scene.
Posters.
Soundtrack covers.
Gigantic billboards depicting a black-barred version of the scene, overlooking traffic.
There are, perhaps, those of you who are too stupid, or too new to my story to now that though Dane Barbados Jr. may berate you, though he will laugh at you, he will never lie to you.
Behold:
Poster.
Soundtrack cover.
Billboard.
Now you see.
And, frankly, I'm saddened the slightest bit. I first saw Ms.Sevigny in "Kids" and thought she had talent. Then I saw her in "American Psycho" and thought she could be a star. Then I saw her in "The Brown Bunny" and realized that she had effectively ended any chances of serious success. Wasted on a movie that didn't do well and wouldn't possibly gain acceptance.
Dane Barbados Jr. must ask Ms. Sevigny: You sucked the dirty dick of a dirty man in a dirty movie. You sat back and saw the signs, the billboards, the posters, the covers. You interviewed. You talked about it. You made the decision to catch a mouthful of stinking, sticky, thick, probably diseased spum from a man who was seemingly interested in degrading a woman on widescreens across the country...and now you want to complain?
Dane Barbados Jr. has little other to say than "Fuck you you silly little strumpet, you bring all women down and perpetuate the stereotype of emotionally unstable, dick-sucking whores."
But that's simply too wordy so Dane Barbados Jr. would do with simply:
"Dane Barbados Jr. declares: Fuck You."
...oh and because there's a few of you that'd want to see it here's a screencapture. You can find the video readily on your Peer-to-Peer networks under "Brown Bunny" or "Chloe Sevigny"
http://www.beerandshots.com/celebrities/chloe-sevigny/chloe-sevigny-blowjob.php
http://www.fleshbot.com/sex/brownbunny.jpg
http://img94.exs.cx/img94/4074/1369ee.jpg
posted by Dane Barbados Jr. at 10:09 PM
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